Tony Is A Klutz
by ImNotAPsychopath
Summary: The five times Tony was a klutz, and the one time everyone else was. A bit of Frostiron at the end. Written with TheBustyBarmaid.


"Hey, Tony? Do you have that sample yet?" Bruce called to him across the lab.

"Hold on, I have it right-" A thud was heard. "DAMN IT, DUM-E, I WILL TURN YOU INTO SCRAP METAL!" Tony screamed.

Bruce looked up from his screen. "What happened?" He asked as he walked over.

"THIS LITTLE TECHTARD TRIPPED ME!" Tony yelled. Dum-E the robot drooped.

"You made him." Bruce patted Dum-E's head as he stopped by him.

"I'M PLANNING ON FIXING HIM SOON!" Tony stomped out of the lab.

"Why? He fine." Bruce looked at his friend, who had not yet bothered to get up.

"HE'S AN IDIOT!" Dum-E drooped further.

"It's in his blood." Bruce stroked what could be considered Dum-E's head. Tony growled before stomping up the stairs. "It's alright Dum-E," Bruce knelt down so he could look at his sensor. "I think he's just tired."

Tony peered over at the microwave. "Hey, Bruce, you think if I-"

"DUCK!"

Tony heard the warning too late and was met with a microwave door to the face. "OW!" He yelled.

"MAN OF IRON, I APOLOGIZE. I HAD THOUGHT YOU HAD HEARD MY WARNING." Thor looked sheepish. Bruce appeared next to Tony and handed him an ice pack. Tony took it and grumbled as he placed it over his face. Bruce chuckled and Tony shot him a glare.

"Shut up, Bruce." He growled before stomping off.

Bruce looked groggily at his injured teammate. Yes, Clint watched their backs, but he needed to learn to watch his own as well. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. How he kept getting roped into being a medical doctor with mediocre training was beyond him. Tony burst in. "Brucey! I hurt my finger!" The billionaire pouted and promptly shoved said finger in Bruce's face.

"Tony! Down with the volume! Clint's asleep." Bruce looked at the billionaire's hand, "What did you do?"

Tony pouted further but did lower his voice. "I got a papercut." He whined.

"And Loki couldn't have put on a bandaid and kissed it better?"

Tony scowled. "Loki's in Asgard." He grumbled.

"Ah." Bruce gently cleaned and wrapped the cut before checking once more on Clint.

Tony peered over Bruce's shoulder. "What did he do now?"

"He was watching the backs of a bunch of newbies for SHIELD and came out on the wrong end of the stick."

Tony winced. "Ow." He paused before poking Clint in the face.

"Hey! Leave him be. Haven't you learned your lesson about waking sleeping assassins?" Bruce was getting exasperated.

"I don't think I ever learned that lesson-" Tony said as he poked Clint in the face again. Bruce ducked.

Let's just say, he ended up learning the lesson the hard way.

Bruce sat at his station in the lab and watched through the glass as Tony met Darcy for the first time. He had met her the day previously, but Tony had been away for some meeting at SI. "So, Miss Darcy." Tony beamed at her. "How do you feel about billionaire genius philanthropists?"

"Not bad, I keep jumping when JARVIS talks."

Tony placed an arm over her shoulder. "Very sarcastic he is."

She looked at him seriously. "The Yoda look isn't good for you."

Tony laughed. "You're funny."

She grinned. "That is totes my goal in life."

Tony winked at her. "Well you did it."

She looked at him shocked. "Are you planning on murdering me, sir?"

"Of course not. Why would I ever murder a beauty like you?" Tony winked.

"You said it, dude." She winked.

Tony leaned closer. "No proof."

"JARVIS~!" She sang.

"Yes, Miss Darcy?" The A.I. chirped.

"Do you have that recorded?" She smiled broadly.

"Yes, Miss Darcy."

Tony scowled. "Screw you, JARVIS." She grinned and stuck out her tongue at him. "So… Do you wanna go out?" He purred.

"No."

Tony pouted. "Why not?"

"I have a hot date tonight." She looked at him.

"With…?"

"Someone." She smirked and flounced away.

"I can do threesomes!" Tony chased after her. She kicked him. Hard. The other guys flinched.

Clint came forward. "Sorry, Stark. I'm not sharing." He took her hand and walked her out of the room. Tony collapsed face first onto the floor, clutching his package as he whined in pain.

Bruce walked out of the lab and looked at him. "That wasn't smart."

"Shut up." Tony hissed in pain. Bruce smirked and got him an ice pack.

Tony carefully looked at the test tube he was holding before looking over at Bruce. "Is it ready yet?" He asked.

"Umm, almost."

Tony glanced back at the test tube. "How soon is almost? Because I kind of need it almost now."

"Just a sec, now!" Bruce called and Tony opened his mouth to tell Bruce he didn't have a second only to have the thing explode in his face sending him flying. He gave a yell of pain when he hit the wall then slid to the ground.

"Tony!" Bruce ran to his fallen friend.

Tony gave a groan of pain. "Yeah?" He coughed only to freeze. _Shit._ "Bruce." He whispered hoarsely. "Go get Loki."

"Right." Bruce ran to go find the god, JARVIS opening doors as he went.

Loki was reading quietly in the living room, Natasha sitting next to him watching T.V. while Clint undoubtedly was sulking somewhere. He glanced up as Bruce came tearing up the stairs. "What is it, Dr. Banner? You charged up here like a hungry bilchsteim."

"Lab… Accident… Explosion… Tony…" Bruce managed to wheeze.

Loki raced down to the lab without a word and went to Tony's side immediately. "Darling, what's wrong?" He demanded.

Tony winced. "Shrapnel. Got closer." He managed through the wheezes of pain.

Loki nodded before leaning over and placing his hands over the arc reactor which was spluttering dangerously. "Damn." He muttered before murmuring a few words in Norse. His hands began to glow a dark green. Bruce hurried back down to the lab now that his heart rate had gone down a bit. Loki didn't remove his eyes from Tony. It took a few minutes before Loki finally pulled away. "There." He murmured.

"What happened?"

"The force of the explosion moved some of the shrapnel closer to his heart." Loki murmured before picking Tony up. "I'm putting him to bed."

"Oh, um, I'll just start cleaning up this mess,"

"No need." Loki shook his head before snapping his fingers. The mess disappeared immediately. "You need to rest as well, Dr. Banner. I'm sure you just had several of your years taken off."

"Uh, right. Umm, yeah." Bruce followed him up the stairs and went to his own room.

Loki looked over to him. "What were you two even doing down here? All I detected was a slight shift in radiation."

"We were working on the explosives for Clint's arrows. We missed something on the formula, causing it to detonate early."

Loki nodded. "I see."

"Um, I'm going to get some sleep now. See you later." Bruce walks into his room and shuts the door. Loki gave Bruce a nod goodbye before carrying Tony to their bedroom.

"I leave you guys alone for a week so I can enjoy my honeymoon, and you guys manage to destroy my Tower?!" Tony yelled.

"In our defense it wasn't our fault." Clint spoke up from where the other Avengers had puppy piled in the commons area after being treated by medical. None of them had escaped that battle unharmed.

"You idiots!" Tony snapped. "Why didn't you just call me?!"

"You expressly ordered us to not contact you under any circumstances, Friend Tony." Even Thor sounded pathetic.

"Unless you were hurt!"

"You left that part out." Nat spoke up from somewhere.

"Well I guess none of you have common sense then!" Tony retorted.

"Leave us alone, we all blame you anyway." Cap groaned.

"What did I do?!"

"They were after your stuff." Clint spoke up. Tony froze. Loki glanced at him in concern.

"They didn't get anything." Bruce said from under Nat. "I went and checked."

"It's not that." Tony snapped hoarsely. Loki brushed his back soothingly.

"Then what? We'll all be fine in a few days." Clint looked up at him.

"We protected your stuff." Cap spoke up.

"Hulk Smash." Bruce mumbled.

"Indeed. 'Twas a mighty battle."

"Idiots couldn't shoot straight." Nat put in her two cents.

"They were going to take my stuff. Again." Tony whispered, paling and eyes wide. "They were going to use it . . . against innocent people." He choked.

"We stopped 'em. That's what a team is for, yeah?

"That's not the point!" Tony nearly shrieked.

"It's not? We help you protect the innocents, seems pretty straightforward to me." Clint yawned.

"Well it's not!" Tony snapped.

"Anthony." Loki murmured. "Breathe." The rest of the Avengers looked up at him, confused. Tony swallowed before breathing as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You should join us, Friend Tony." Thor spoke up from his place at the bottom of the pile.

"Fine." Tony sighed. "All of you are idiots. I hope you know that. Especially you, Bruce." Bruce waved and his arm flopped down. He was half asleep. Tony rolled his eyes. "But I love you all." He got a chorus of hums in return.


End file.
